Love to you on Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! This year, why not focus on the most important relationship you have - the one with yourself? Over many of the past years, when Valentines’s Day rolled around and I was alone, I would say “Not next year” but I still found myself alone. I began to really dislike this day! I saw as a kick you in the face day for all those that were single. I subsequently realized that my external search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Now I celebrate the day as a special day of self-love.

Self-love has often been seen as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness.

In 1956, however, psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited, or egocentric, meaning instead caring about oneself and taking responsibility for oneself.

Ancient teaching on this subject were passed down through the ages by word of mouth, in folk stories, in secret societies and spiritual leaders. These teachings follow the belief of Esotericism. God and man Esotericism defines God as the sum total of all the Laws, and all the energies governed by these Laws which make up everything in the manifested and un-manifested universe ― all that we see and cannot see. God is also the great Cosmic Being Who ensouls this planet.

Man, in turn, is a 'Spark of God,' a spiritual being expressing itself through a physical body. Each one of us is essentially divine but, compared to the great achievers throughout history in all religions and fields of human endeavor, most individuals recognize and demonstrate this divinity only to a limited degree.

Self-esteem and self-love are issues that are often related together and if you suffer from low self-esteem, it is possible that the root cause is a case of insufficient self-love. Loving yourself may feel unnatural in the beginning, because your mind has been ingrained with self-sabotaging thoughts for the longest time.

However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes attracting abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love. Love being a vibration of 500, which we should strive to be at or above in order to manifest abundance and joy.

Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.” Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)

When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.

Below are some helpful tips to self-love:

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are not good enough because you are stupid or make mistakes? If you find that you often judge yourself, make an effort to stop the self-criticism. Once I become aware of that voice I like to say cancel and then think of a positive comment and focus on it for a minute longer than the original negative thought.

“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown

3. Be Kind and Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself every day, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.

4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or being the best in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.

5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)

6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)

7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself. Remember that spiritual growth usually requires us to feel our feeling and then releasing them.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes quotes

8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self-growth can take place.

9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.

10. Make Positive Affirmations Every day. Reframe your mind with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day. They only work when you put emotion and passion into the affirmations.

11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life. Gratitude is the language of the universe and it pays you back 10 fold.

12. Nurture Your Dreams. When you nurture your dreams, you love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain

13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self-esteem.

14. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music, meditation and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.

15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self-love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )

17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in everything, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. Get out into nature as it calms the spirit and helps you connect to your higher self.

Here is a good affirmation to read and reflect on…..

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.” Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)